I will. I might. I hmmm … The New Year resolution bout

New year is upon us. It is the season to smile fakely at all and wish them a fantastic, fabulous, splendid, spectacular, marvelous, magnificent 2014. To be hung over and blubber into beer, wine, punch or piña colada any regrets and remorse with reference to the year gone by. But most of all it is that time of the year to sit up militantly, battle cry in the eye, and make resolutions left, right and centre. Between one set of 365 days and the next, we stand poised to utter the most lavish of avowals. An annual tradition, never mind the infamous inability to follow through.

Of course we begin with externalities. We either promise to love our nose or opt for rhinoplasty. To take up tennis, taekwondo or tai chi to get that killer body. Slowly we move to relationships, swear to call mom once a day, well, at least once a week, and never to ping the cute guy who always looks at you like he can’t quite remember who you are.

Then we come to the Big One. Some soul-altering core issue that will change our life once and for all, remodeling us from the inside out. About never being rude again to so and so, to be able to say ‘no’ when and where one wants, to grow a spine, to finish that thesis, to visit Timbuktu because – what do you know? – it’s a real place.

And since we spend most of our time at the workplace, at least some resolves could be to do with career. Because we covet bigger and better cars, promotions, junkets, designations, perks and fatter pay packages. All of which come from the job we hold. Our brand equity depends on our bank balance. Where we work is who we are and what we talk about.

So this is how new year resolutions can run:

• Will give credit to others in the team.
• Won’t take leave when cricket is on.
• If I do take leave when cricket is on, I won’t ‘bump off’ a family member.
• Will refrain from making up long, elaborate stories involving vehicular crashes and hospital stays when I am late for work.
• When I compliment the boss on his/her sartorial choices, I will stop this side of gush.
• Will let anyone date anyone without feeling compelled to speculate, gossip and float little scandalettes.
• No lying post-appraisals to colleagues about how seniors sang my praises in G minor.
• At meetings I will jot down real points and not play tic tac toe.
• Will wait for the punch line to be delivered before laughing at the boss’s joke.

However improbable the resolution, the fact remains that we mean it when we make it. That split second when we think it, the resolution works like a tonic. We travel into the future when this decision of ours has already done its abracadabra and turned us around. So that failure to comply with said resolution is never an impediment to making them in the first place or continuing to make them. Despite knowing fully well how iffy the whole commitment thing is when we make grandiose promises to self, there is no dearth of midnight resolutions on any given December 31^st.

In a testimonial to the whole human spirit, nobility marries heroism in wishful thinking. We grow a cape and zoom through space. Doable would be boring. One wants to elope with one’s resolution. Or meet it in Vegas. Not celebrate a 25^th wedding anniversary with it.